Where Are All The Usernames??

I'll make this quick...

I was just thinking to myself, what are kids going to do in 2020 when all of the good screen/usernames are gone? Unless parents start coming up with creative names--uhh, 10 years ago, they're going to be sending updates on dinner plans to JAnderson987654321@gmail.com

Or to BigFloppin@gmail.com -- and even THAT'S not a guarantee.

Poor John Anderson...

The Arrogance of Social Media

Now that everyone is empowered with the tools necessary to share and have their opinions heard, we're all making the most of it. Whereas we previously needed to ACTUALLY be an expert in a field, now the entire internet has become a peanut gallery of experts hawking suggestions for everything from how to raise your children to the best way to blow up a balloon.

Admittedly, I'm alive and well trumpeting loudly from the back of this same peanut gallery with the misconceived notion that you actually care about what I have to say. Voyeurism used to be a bad thing...now we promote our own.

The function of social media for companies is clear. Ditch the market research and speak directly with consumers themselves. No one disputes this, though I feel like they should. How many great products will go undeveloped because a vocal minority on twitter kills the idea out of the gate. Just because you would never purchase an automatic diaper wrapper as it "demeans the essence of early parenthood" doesn't mean that someone else out there wouldn't.

We all take the approach that "no one else can speak for me", yet somehow we're perfectly content speaking for others. If I had my way, Crocs would be dead and so would those bug-eyed mantis sunglasses that women think make them look attractive. Alas, I'm wrong on both accounts since both are a feeding frenzy in their respective markets. (Then again, I've only seen children in Crocs and those sunglasses on the girls who have better things to do than defend their merit via Facebook post.)

Either way, I guess that as long as there's a forum in which to share our lives, thoughts, and opinions, we will engage them. After all, we will always continue to talk as long as there is someone willing to listening.

To Text or Not To Text...

THAT, is a stupid question. Now allow me to qualify the fact that I'll go dark on my friends all the time and cut a text conversation short because I saw a butterfly cross my line of sight; however when it comes to the dating 'game', I die a little inside every time I hear someone suggest, or employ, the notion that returning a text the next day or week is the best way to go. Anyone with $0.50 worth of self-respect should forget about you by then. Besides, if you need that long to come up with some witty, yet slightly evasive reply to a simple "what're you up to this weekend?", your shit's weak. Couple that with the fact that we can't even use the bathroom without taking our phones with us nowadays and it becomes painfully obvious that you're only fooling yourself. Sure you've been really busy...but not so busy that you weren't willing to risk your life and the lives of others by texting while driving.

Look...

If you want to talk to them, call. If you want to text them, do that. If you're done with them, don't reply. If they don't want to hear from you, they won't reply.

I understand that phones die, get lost, run away, etc., but if you're into someone- sack up and let them know. Afterall, if you play hide-and-seek long enough, you may just find yourself with the best spot in the yard all by your lonesome.

Laughter (302)

Social Functions of Laughter

Laughter is arguably the most universal symbol of approval in all human communication. Although a commodity in endless supply, we still selectively distribute our laughter to those sources that we deem worthy of this affection.

Regardless, I can't help but think that funny is funny...right? Nope.

Why is it that a joke from a person you like will elicit neck-breaking laughter, while that SAME joke from someone you don't care for will elicit contempt? Why do we gleefully yokel along to a bad story while out on a date, yet foghorn our classmate who's similar recount of high school is (boooooooooooooorrrriiiiiiiiinggggg)?

Do we perhaps use laughter as a means of balancing social equity? Like electing the candidate with the most votes, typically the most approved person in a group is the person with the most laughs from the most people...

But maybe not...

This post isn't meant to shed light on anything, rather have you consider how you personally use laughter when interacting with the people around you. Are you the person that laughs too loud at the joke that's isn't THAT funny? Are you the person that refuses to crack a smile when everyone else is in stitches? Maybe you're neither...but you're definitely something, and more importantly; why?

"I Only Smoke When I Drink"

Probably one of my top 20 favorite replies to hear whenever I ask someone, "are you a smoker?" Without fail, "I only smoke when I drink" always elicits both an eyebrow raise as well as a Scooby-Doo, 'Aroo?' What exactly does this even mean?

At first glance...
It means exactly what it says- but only because they're in denial about the fact that they're a smoker to begin with. Yes there's a stigma associated with smoking and it's clear that they don't identify with it, but c'moooon. If you're going to do it, you've got to own it! When I asked a friend of mine (who was huffing on a ciggy in the corner while oggling women and flippin' nickels) if they were a smoker, their reply: "Hell no! I only smoke when I drink". Well, according to deductive reasoning, you're smoking right now- ergo...you're a smoker. I feel like it's the equivalent me saying "I only drink coffee when I'm tired, but I'm not a coffee drinker". Well, if every time I begin to doze I start throwing down the latte's, then I'm definitely a coffee drinker.

The reason why you "only smoke when you drink" honestly doesn't matter. Better buzz? Cool. Makes you look sexier? Cool. Afterall, I love my smoker friends just as much as my non-smoker friends. Either way, all I'm saying is to own it... There's no need to qualify or justify it if you're making a conscious decision to do it every time you venture out on the town.

When Something is Too Funny...

I may or may not have cried while watching this over and over-